5 Pieces of Advice to Dashers

10/13/2025

Betsy Stone, DSHA '10

On October 3, Betsy Stone, DSHA '10, DSHA's 2025 Young Alumna of the Year, spoke at an all-school assembly to kick off Alumnae Weekend. Here are her remarks to Dashers, faculty, and alumnae.

I want to speak to someone specific. She’s sitting in these seats. She’s 18. She’s smart. She’s trying. She’s wondering if she’s enough. She’s wondering if she’s too much.

She was me, 15 years ago. And here are five things I wish someone had told her:

1. Be present. The me sitting in these seats 15 years ago had her mind everywhere but the present. College. Boys. Finals. Tryouts. That mindset—that ambition—has fueled me. It’s part of who I am.

But here’s the truth: sometimes it is a defense mechanism. High school is hard. You couldn’t pay me to repeat it. I was struggling — with my appearance, my romantic relationships, my faith, my future. I felt unsettled. So I kept reaching for the next thing, hoping it would fix how I felt. But life is never at equilibrium. And sometimes, the next thing doesn’t fix it, or at least not right now.

So I challenge you: Be present. Presence isn’t just about mindfulness — it’s about connection. When you’re truly present with the people around you, you build community. I wouldn’t repeat high school, but I’d relive the small moments: laughing at lockers, being too loud in the library, pulling pranks in the quad, being vulnerable at retreats. These moments mattered—they built community.

Connection is often how light finds its way in. Sometimes the face of Jesus is right in front of you — and you don’t see it. It might be in a friend who listens without judgment. A teacher who believes in you. A stranger who shows you unexpected kindness. Don’t miss the moment you’re in, chasing one you hope will come.

2. Learn to like yourself. Not just what you see in the mirror, although that is important, too. But I challenge you to like who you are at your core. Your background. Your quirks. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your geeky hobby. All of it.

That takes work. It takes confronting what you don’t like about yourself. It requires healing the wounds within. Accepting that you are not like the person next to you or the person that you idolize.

Remember—you were made in God’s image. You — that quirky you, that idiosyncratic you — is perfect. Perfect just as you are. Do not seek validation and approval from a world that crucified the perfect man.

Focus on your self-worth. Give yourself grace. Like yourself.

Because when you own who you are, you walk into rooms differently. You speak up. You take risks. You recover faster when life knocks you down. You quiet the voices in your head. You celebrate those around you freely like [Academic Interventionist Katie Klinger Leszczynski, DSHA '10]. Like yourself and live authentically.

3. Manage stress. Stress is not a high school problem. It’s a life problem. It’s what’s going on at home. It’s financial pressure. It’s the pressure to look a certain way, to be invited, to get the coveted spot, to be liked.

Those pressures don’t disappear after graduation. They just change shape.

So start practicing now. You already know people who don’t handle stress well. Family. Friends. Teachers. Coaches. You’ve seen it.

But one day, you’ll be in the hot seat. How will you respond? How will you carry the cross on your shoulders?

Coping mechanisms are key. Find what calms you down. For me, it’s nature, humor, and loved ones. I find these outlets freeing — like pretending to be a dinosaur with my kids. I come back to my stressors calmer and with perspective. Find what does that for you. Use those tools. Sharpen them. Because you’ll need them.

4. Play to your strengths. You are not good at everything. And that’s okay.

I’m no good at math. Ask [Mathematics Department Chair Dawn Gardner] — she is shocked that I’m up here receiving this award. I’m fine at science. But I’m a killer legal writer and advocate. I’ve always known that.

But in high school, I doubted myself. Because high school, the ACT, and colleges reward the well-rounded. I’m not well-rounded. I’m lopsided. I excel in certain places and not others. And back then, I saw that as a flaw, and it hurt my self-worth.

But in college, I thrived. I majored in subjects where I excelled. I participated in extracurriculars that flexed my strengths. In law school, I doubled down—writing, analyzing, arguing. All day, every day. And you know who graduated summa cum laude? Me. You know who couldn’t graduate summa cum laude for a math Ph.D.? Also me.

Play to your strengths. Don’t let your weaknesses blind you to your worth. And don’t define strengths too narrowly, either.

In high school, I thought strengths meant subjects—history, math, science, theology, languages. But I never factored in the intangibles. You know where else I excel? Social skills; emotional intelligence. And if you think those aren’t strengths, you’re dead wrong. Extraversion. Gregariousness. Assertiveness. Persuasion.

That’s the currency of business. That’s the power to command a room, a courtroom, a boardroom, a sales pitch. If that’s your strength, the world is waiting for you. If your strength looks different, the world is waiting for you, too. Just know your strength. Own it. And make it a revenue generator.

5. Go all in on yourself. Once you know your strengths, pursue them.

My writing and oral advocacy led me to law. So I interned at a law firm. I watched trials. I couldn’t get enough. The courtroom exhilarated me. My writing and oral advocacy shone, and so did my social skills and EQ.

So I bet on myself. I chased the goal in my heart, knowing I could fail for everyone to see. I went to law school with my head up. Took on the loans. Lived on a ramen budget. Sat beside students from fancier schools. Sacrificed plenty. I knew that if I failed, at least I failed at what I wanted to. If I failed, I went down swinging as hard as I could. If I failed, I still liked myself and my life.

So I went all in and gave it everything I had. I got my foot in the door at Foley & Lardner, one of the largest firms in the country. I’m one of the few working moms in my department. I’m not here on this stage because it was easy. I’m here because I went for it.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I keep showing up. I bet on myself. Even as a working mom. Even when it’s messy. Even when it’s hard. And let me tell you: It’s worth it.

So to the young women in this room: You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be everything. The world doesn’t need more girls striving for a constructed notion of perfection. The world needs authentic women who live with purpose, who are present, who know their strengths, who regulate stress, and who bet on themselves.

In my view, there is no force stronger than a woman determined to rise. And I’m looking at a room full of them. So rise!

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